Sher on Tanz-o-Mizah

coat aur patlūn jab pahnā to mister ban gayā

jab koī taqrīr kī jalse meñ leader ban gayā

coat aur patlun jab pahna to mister ban gaya

jab koi taqrir ki jalse mein leader ban gaya

aur to kuchh bhī nahīñ hazrat-e-'māchis' lekin

aap meñ aag lagāne kā kamāl achchhā hai

aur to kuchh bhi nahin hazrat-e-'machis' lekin

aap mein aag lagane ka kamal achchha hai

ḳhud tiis kā hai aur dulhan saaTh baras kī

girtī huī dīvār ke saa.e meñ khaḌā hai

KHud tis ka hai aur dulhan saTh baras ki

girti hui diwar ke sae mein khaDa hai

jo chāhtā hai ki ban jaa.e vo baḌā shā.er

vo jā ke dostī gāñThe kisī mudīr ke saath

jo chahta hai ki ban jae wo baDa shaer

wo ja ke dosti ganThe kisi mudir ke sath

kalām-e-mīr samjhe aur zabān-e-mīrzā samjhe

magar un kā kahā yā aap samjheñ yā ḳhudā samjhe

kalam-e-mir samjhe aur zaban-e-mirza samjhe

magar un ka kaha ya aap samjhen ya KHuda samjhe

chaa.e bhī achchhī banātī haiñ mirī begam magar

muñh banāne meñ to un kā koī saanī hī nahīñ

chae bhi achchhi banati hain meri begam magar

munh banane mein to un ka koi sani hi nahin

vahāñ jo log anāḌī haiñ vaqt kāTte haiñ

yahāñ bhī kuchh mutashā.er dimāġh chāTte haiñ

wahan jo log anaDi hain waqt kaTte hain

yahan bhi kuchh mutashaer dimagh chaTte hain

ilm hāsil kar ke bhī miltī nahīñ hai naukrī

rahm ke qābil hai bas hālat hamārī in dinoñ

ilm hasil kar ke bhi milti nahin hai naukri

rahm ke qabil hai bas haalat hamari in dinon

aa ke bazm-e-sher meñ shart-e-vafā puurī to kar

jitnā khānā khā gayā hai utnī mazdūrī to kar

aa ke bazm-e-sher mein shart-e-wafa puri to kar

jitna khana kha gaya hai utni mazduri to kar

pahle ham ko bahan kahā ab fikr hamīñ se shādī kī

ye bhī na sochā bahan se shādī kar ke kyā kahlā.eñge

pahle hum ko bahan kaha ab fikr hamin se shadi ki

ye bhi na socha bahan se shadi kar ke kya kahlaenge

nurse ko dekh ke aa jaatī hai muñh pe raunaq

vo samajhte haiñ ki bīmār kā haal achchhā hai

nurse ko dekh ke aa jati hai munh pe raunaq

wo samajhte hain ki bimar ka haal achchha hai

vo un kā zamāna thā jahāñ aql baḌī thī

ye merā zamāna hai yahāñ bhaiñs baḌī hai

wo un ka zamana tha jahan aql baDi thi

ye mera zamana hai yahan bhains baDi hai

pareshānī se sar ke baal tak sab jhaḌ ga.e lekin

purānī jeb meñ kanghī jo pahle thī so ab bhī hai

pareshani se sar ke baal tak sab jhaD gae lekin

purani jeb mein kanghi jo pahle thi so ab bhi hai

chehre to jhurriyoñ se bhare dil javān haiñ

din meñ haiñ shaiḳh raat meñ salmān-ḳhān haiñ

chehre to jhurriyon se bhare dil jawan hain

din mein hain shaiKH raat mein salman-KHan hain

aa.ī sadā-e-haq ki yahī band-o-bast haiñ

tere vatan ke log to murda-parast haiñ

aai sada-e-haq ki yahi band-o-bast hain

tere watan ke log to murda-parast hain

das bachchoñ ke abbā haiñ magar hai yahī ḳhvāhish

har vaqt hī baiThī rahe lailā mire aage

das bachchon ke abba hain magar hai yahi KHwahish

har waqt hi baiThi rahe laila mere aage

zamāne kā chalan kyā pūchhte ho 'ḳhvāh-maḳhvāh' mujh se

vahī raftār be-Dhañgī jo pahle thī so ab bhī hai

zamane ka chalan kya puchhte ho 'KHwah-maKHwah' mujh se

wahi raftar be-Dhangi jo pahle thi so ab bhi hai

un ke gunāh kyā kaheñ kis kis ke sar ga.e

tum ko ḳhabar nahīñ ka.ī ustād mar ga.e

un ke gunah kya kahen kis kis ke sar gae

tum ko KHabar nahin kai ustad mar gae

dāḌhī kā naam le ke hameñ kyoñ ho Toktī

dāḌhī koī break hai jo cycle ko roktī

daDhi ka nam le ke hamein kyon ho Tokti

daDhi koi break hai jo cycle ko rokti

election phir vo zil-hijj ke mahīne meñ karā.eñge

to kyā do daañt ke voter kī phir qurbāniyāñ hoñgī

election phir wo zil-hijj ke mahine mein karaenge

to kya do dant ke woter ki phir qurbaniyan hongi

professor ye urdu ke jo urdu se kamāte haiñ

isī paise se bachchoñ ko ye añgrezī paḌhāte haiñ

professor ye urdu ke jo urdu se kamate hain

isi paise se bachchon ko ye angrezi paDhate hain

ek qaidī sub.h ko phāñsī lagā kar mar gayā

raat bhar ġhazleñ sunā.īñ us ko thānedār ne

ek qaidi subh ko phansi laga kar mar gaya

raat bhar ghazlen sunain us ko thanedar ne

jo apnā bhaa.ī hai rahtā hai vo paañv kī Thokar meñ

magar jorū kā bhaa.ī to gale kā haar hotā hai

jo apna bhai hai rahta hai wo panw ki Thokar mein

magar joru ka bhai to gale ka haar hota hai

'anvar' ḳhudā kare ki ye sachchī na ho ḳhabar

ikkīsvīñ sadī meñ vaDere bhī jā.eñge

'anwar' KHuda kare ki ye sachchi na ho KHabar

ikkiswin sadi mein waDere bhi jaenge

naam ke saath ek do alfāz kī dum chāhiye

sher phīkā hī sahī lekin tarannum chāhiye

nam ke sath ek do alfaz ki dum chahiye

sher phika hi sahi lekin tarannum chahiye

maiñ ne har file kī dumchī par ye misra' likh diyā

kaam ho saktā nahīñ sarkār maiñ roze se huuñ

main ne har file ki dumchi par ye misra' likh diya

kaam ho sakta nahin sarkar main roze se hun

buā ko to dekho na gahnā na paatā

bajaT haath meñ jaise dhobin kā khātā

bua ko to dekho na gahna na pata

bajaT hath mein jaise dhobin ka khata

be-vaqūfī ke anokhe kārnāme dekh kar

achchhe-ḳhāse leaderoñ ko bhī gadhā kahnā paḌā

be-waqufi ke anokhe karname dekh kar

achchhe-KHase leaderon ko bhi gadha kahna paDa

hamāre laal ko darkār hai vahī laḌkī

ki jis kā baap police meñ ho kam se kam deputy

hamare lal ko darkar hai wahi laDki

ki jis ka bap police mein ho kam se kam deputy

yahāñ ham baiTh kar chaa.e ke ik cup ko taraste haiñ

vahāñ sab le ke biscuit cake ke ambār baiThe haiñ

yahan hum baiTh kar chae ke ek cup ko taraste hain

wahan sab le ke biscuit cake ke ambar baiThe hain

ġhazal paḌhne se bilkul actor ma.alūm hotā hai

baḌhī haiñ is qadar zulfeñ 'jigar' ma.alūm hotā hai

ghazal paDhne se bilkul actor malum hota hai

baDhi hain is qadar zulfen 'jigar' malum hota hai

vaa.iz ne mujh meñ dekhī hai īmān kī kamī

vaa.iz meñ sirf dum kī kasar dekhtā huuñ maiñ

waiz ne mujh mein dekhi hai iman ki kami

waiz mein sirf dum ki kasar dekhta hun main

kafan kī qīmat suneñge murde to is ke sadme se jī uTheñge

janāza uTThegā ab kisī kā na ab kisī kā mazār hogā

kafan ki qimat sunenge murde to is ke sadme se ji uThenge

janaza uTThega ab kisi ka na ab kisi ka mazar hoga

doctor kī fees kā sun kar marīz-e-mohtaram

operation se hī pahle kuuch farmā.eñge kyā

doctor ki fees ka sun kar mariz-e-mohtaram

operation se hi pahle kuch farmaenge kya

pata hotā to na kartā kabhī koī nekī

tumhīñ jannat meñ milogī mujhe ma.alūm na thā

pata hota to na karta kabhi koi neki

tumhin jannat mein milogi mujhe malum na tha

vaa.iz ko jo dekho to ghaTā-Top añdherā

saaqī ko jo dekho to kiran phuuT rahī hai

waiz ko jo dekho to ghaTa-Top andhera

saqi ko jo dekho to kiran phuT rahi hai

apnī shohrat kī alag raah nikālī ham ne

kisī dīvāñ se ġhazal koī churā lī ham ne

apni shohrat ki alag rah nikali hum ne

kisi diwan se ghazal koi chura li hum ne

mumkin hai ki ho jaa.e nasha is se zarā sā

phir aap kā chālān bhī ho saktā hai is se

mumkin hai ki ho jae nasha is se zara sa

phir aap ka chaalan bhi ho sakta hai is se

jis maulvī ko aage paḌhānā thā merā aqd

Thahrā hai un kā aqd usī maulvī ke saath

jis maulwi ko aage paDhana tha mera aqd

Thahra hai un ka aqd usi maulwi ke sath

apne ustād ke sheroñ kā tiyā pāñcha kiyā

ai rahīm aap ke fan meñ ye kamāl achchhā hai

apne ustad ke sheron ka tiya pancha kiya

ai rahim aap ke fan mein ye kamal achchha hai

pople muñh se chane khānā nahīñ mumkin huzūr

aa nahīñ saktī javānī lauT ke mājūn se

pople munh se chane khana nahin mumkin huzur

aa nahin sakti jawani lauT ke majun se

durgat bane hai chaa.e meñ biscuit kī jis tarah

shādī ke baa'd logo vahī merā haal hai

durgat bane hai chae mein biscuit ki jis tarah

shadi ke ba'd logo wahi mera haal hai

shaiḳh-sāhab ne masā.il meñ jakaḌ rakkhā hai

varna islām to āsān thā achchhā-ḳhāsā

shaiKH-sahab ne masail mein jakaD rakkha hai

warna islam to aasan tha achchha-KHasa

diyā hai naam kafan-chor jab se tum ne mujhe

purānī qabroñ ke murde mirī talāsh meñ haiñ

diya hai nam kafan-chor jab se tum ne mujhe

purani qabron ke murde meri talash mein hain

aulād kī kasrat pe hai sau sau yahāñ qadġhan

maiñ sau se ziyāda to bahar-taur karūñgā

aulad ki kasrat pe hai sau sau yahan qadghan

main sau se ziyaada to bahar-taur karunga

fātiha-ḳhvānī meñ ahbāb uḌā.eñge polāv

aur kareñge mirī baḳhshish kī duā mere ba.ad

fatiha-KHwani mein ahbab uDaenge polaw

aur karenge meri baKHshish ki dua mere baad

netā kā da.avā sun ke maiñ ye sochne lagā

qurbānī kankaTe kī to yaaro harām hai

neta ka dawa sun ke main ye sochne laga

qurbani kankaTe ki to yaro haram hai

juute ke intiḳhāb ko masjid meñ jab ga.e

vo jūtiyāñ paḌīñ ki ḳhudā yaad aa gayā

jute ke intiKHab ko masjid mein jab gae

wo jutiyan paDin ki KHuda yaad aa gaya

DhūñDiye ḳhair se jā kar koī moTī sasurāl

haath jo muft meñ aa.e to vo maal achchhā hai

DhunDiye KHair se ja kar koi moTi sasural

hath jo muft mein aae to wo mal achchha hai

izzat hai gadhoñ kī na Thikāna hai gadhoñ kā

leader yahī kahtā hai zamāna hai gadhoñ kā

izzat hai gadhon ki na Thikana hai gadhon ka

leader yahi kahta hai zamana hai gadhon ka